Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
