I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
