i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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