he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
