It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
