dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
