Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
