T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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