I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
