Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
