I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
