They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
