The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
