Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
