im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Randomize
