It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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