After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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