Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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