If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just threw up on my dentist
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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