She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
