why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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