Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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