Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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