So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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