i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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