I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
