My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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