I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
