I could make wine with my vomit
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
