Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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