I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
