There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
