she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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