My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
