I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
