So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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