Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
