Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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