I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
