he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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