she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
