perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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