is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
