They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
