great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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