Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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