He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
