I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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