The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
