The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
