i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
