I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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